John Belushi, Art Carney, and Ray Walston

When I first moved to Los Angeles in 1981 I found a studio apartment in the Hollywood Hills.  It was typical of the time, a pool; a couple of palm trees and a collection of Show Biz have beens, wannabees, and support players.  

One of my neighbors was the location manager for the show Fame. He would give me odd jobs, such as guarding the sets when they were on location and didn’t want to break the set down for the night. I loved it. Basically there was almost nothing to do but exist. The pay was both over and golden time because the bulk of it took place after midnight. I could clear over $500 in a weekend.  As my rent was in the mid 300’s this was a serious windfall.

One of the gigs Tony got for me early in 1982 was being a runner for Art Carney when he was guest starring on the show. He and Ray Walston were playing janitors at the school who were once song and dance men.  And that’s how I found myself in a set made up to look like an alley with these two great comic actors both sitting on overturned buckets, dressed in dirty pants and wife beaters. 

It was the day John Belushi died. 

The set was pretty bummed out as you can imagine but Art and Ray hadn’t really heard of Belushi so it was up to me to explain to these two legends Belushi’s place in the comedy pantheon.  How do you tell a guy who worked with Gleason about the death of one of the funniest fat guys ever? I talked about the drugs and Art said, “Yeah that’s why my first wife left me.”  And then he went into a pantomime of a life of sex, drugs and alcohol that conveyed in a few hand gestures the whole thing. Sex, drugs, and alcohol. John Belushi was dead. He wasn’t the first. He wouldn’t be the last. 

Then they asked for something to drink and I went to get them Cokes.  

Ed Asner and the Winking Guy

Ed Asner
I got a gig writing the script for the Cable Ace Awards in the early eighties. This was back before it was folded into the Emmys and so it was a fairly big deal for HBO, Showtime, etc.

I was in my early twenties and new to LA. It was the first time I ever wrote something like this. One of the show’s hosts was Ed Asner who, of course, I was a big fan of from the Mary Tyler Moore Show.

So I walk over to him and hand him his script and he starts reading it and begins to fume, “Who wrote this crap! It’s all bullshit. I’m not saying this garbage!” I am, oh I don’t know… mortified.

Then I saw him. Ed Asner’s winking guy.

This guy is standing just behind Ed and just winks at me and mouths, “It’s Ok. (wink) It’s just Ed. (wink) He always does this. (wink) it’ll be fine. And it was. 

A few minutes later I heard Ed over by the coffee, “What kind of shit coffee is this? It’s putrid. Who would drink this crap?” And sure enough, there was his winking guy winking away, “The coffee’s fine. (wink) It’s just Ed. (wink)… And I thought to myself, “I’ve got to get a winking guy.”

Doug K.

TOUCHING BASES WITH EARL WEAVER

Earl Weaver

I’m writing Battle of the Network Stars. Really that line bears repeating, I’m writing Battle of The Network Stars hosted by Dick Van Dyke and I find myself in a conversation with former Baltimore Oriole Manager Earl Weaver.

It was a tough competition. ABC went with a number of fit guys and bubble headed blonds that were dominating the swimming and volleyball events. They also had Tony Danza who almost punched me out. This would be the first of three times I would meet Tony Danza and all three times I think he wanted to punch me out.  CBS has Lorenzo Llamas and little else, but the NBC team was awesome. Guys from Hill Street Blues, St. Elsewhere, basically your Jews, Italians, Black guys. Urban. Gritty.  Awesome . And, they had NFL Hall of Famer Bubba Smith.

The whole contest came down to the tug of war. The whistle blew. Bubba Smith sat down in the sand while holding the rope and that was it. CBS and ABC combined couldn’t move him.  NBC wins! NBC wins!

Later I was sitting in the bar and “Commissioner” Earl Weaver called me over. “Would you like a gin and tonic?” I nodded and he said, “Waiter, three.”   He proceeded to out drink me two to one for the rest of the night. My favorite moment came when, lapsing into what had to be his standard routine, he told me about Pat Kelley an outfielder on the Orioles who is now a minister.  “Doug” he said “Pat Kelly once told me it was great to walk with the Lord and I told him it was better to walk with the bases loaded” If there was anyone on earth who understood loaded it was Earl. 

Doug K

KATHY IRELAND

Here’s a really quick story about what I consider to be the greatest moment in  television history, or at least the greatest moment that I had a hand in. My client, Marc Price (Skippy from Family Ties), got to host one week of a CBS late night six week experiment called the Midnight Hour. They were negotiating with Letterman and they were trying out a bunch of plan B’s. One of the Plan B’s was a Bill Mahr political show. He didn’t get the contract but the seeds of Politically Correct and his current HBO show were right there.

Marc got to host because he was Skippy. BECAUSE HE WAS SKIPPY!  So my writing partner and co-manager Scott and I are Executive Producing that week and one of the guests that we booked was Kathy Ireland (When she was hot. And, she was hot.)

So I asked Marc to ask her the following question…”You were the cover of the Sport Illustrated Swimsuit Issue this year. And that’s the largest selling issue they do all year. They sell millions. So that magazine comes out and a lot of guys buy it and… well they take it home and….and I just want to know can you feel that?”

And she goes, “Well it’s a great honor and… EWWWWWWWW.”

The reason I wanted Marc to ask was I always felt that the girls in high school that I fantasized about well… knew. And I figured if Kathy Ireland didn’t pick up on it on the day the swimsuit issue came out than guys pretty much had carte blanche.

I consider it my greatest gift to mankind.

Doug K.

SNOW DRIFTS

In the 1980’s I was a manager of, let’s say, celebrities or minor sit com stars.  One of whom, post sitcom, found himself hosting a game show for the Disney Channel which is how I found myself sitting in a tunnel underneath Disney World in Orlando talking to Snow White.

First of all let me say that she was beautiful, perfect really.  Jet black hair with that ribbon, that blue dress with the poofy sleeves covering her toned shoulders, her Snow White shoes… the whole thing was out of a storybook. No detail left undone.

So we are sitting there and she’s on break smoking a camel non filter and one of the dwarves, I don’t know Grumpy or Doc or one of them comes over and says, “Breaks over Snow show time in one minute. And she exhales through her nose, throws the cigarette on the tunnel floor, says, “Shit.” and grinds it out with that perfect perfect shoe. It was and remains one of the greatest things I have ever seen

Doug K